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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28095708">Sometimes A Thing Feels so Right</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MASTERDinnerisPrepared/pseuds/MASTERDinnerisPrepared'>MASTERDinnerisPrepared</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Atypical (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Absent Parents, F/F, Feels, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Spicy, Steamy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:42:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,046</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28095708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MASTERDinnerisPrepared/pseuds/MASTERDinnerisPrepared</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Izzie is hot for Casey but embarrassed to go public. Without Newton, however, school is boring, save for the safe spaces she's agreed to create at Clayton Prep. Home is a disaster, as always, but in disaster Iz realizes what's truly important in her life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Casey Gardner &amp; Izzie, Casey Gardner/Izzie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Party - Casey's Perspective</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Timeline is after Season 3, Episode 9. It’s canon, except Izzie and Casey have not made up, yet, after the hotel party. Also, Evan and Casey are close friends, not just awkwardly figuring out how to be friends. Excuse the roughness, this is a work in progress.</p><p>The first two chapters expand on Season 3, Episode 9, where Izzie insists she does not want her relationship with Casey to be public, yet. It takes place at the hotel party before the big track meet. </p><p>Chapter 3 &amp; 4 take place after S3, E9. It's mostly focused on Izzie's home life and struggling with her internalized homophobia.</p><p>Later chapters get more steamy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Casey's Perspective</strong>
</p><p>The dance floor was undoubtedly a hotel room with the furniture pushed to the outskirts or removed entirely. There was none of the usual neutral, uninspiring wall decor, but there was a flatscreen TV and heavy, brown curtains marking the balcony. The scene would’ve been dingy and sad if it weren’t for the abundance of energy from the music and Casey’s Newton friends.</p><p>Izzie shuffles her feet near the doorframe and her eyes dart around the box of a room.</p><p>“I don’t know, Newton. Looks like enemy territory,” she sighs.</p><p>Casey knows a laugh and some healthy competition will brighten her mood.</p><p>“Tonight, we dance with them. Tomorrow, we crush them.”</p><p>Izzy half smiles. “It <em>does</em> look kinda fun.”</p><p>Her whole demeanor becomes more relaxed. Now, Casey can’t help but tease her. </p><p>“Oh shoot, I forgot you hate fun, though!”</p><p>Full-heartedly accepting the challenge, Izzie grabs Casey and leads her into the cluster of awkward bodies known as a teenage dance. Casey likes the feeling of Izzie’s fingers curled around hers--they are smaller and more slender than Evan’s, making their interlaced hands a more balanced fit.</p><p>The dance floor is crammed with attractive, athletic humans, but Casey only sees Izzie. She’s like the “photograph” setting on a phone, her gorgeous features are clear, focused, and highlighted, while everything in the background is blurred. The two enthusiastically groove to the upbeat music, showing off their cheesy dance moves while looking at one another with sticky eyes.</p><p>The song changes to “Yoko Ono” by Moby Rich. It is easy to dance to, not too fast, not too slow, Goldilocks-and-the-Three-Bears-style. The girls match the slower tempo with their movements.</p><p>It’s at this point that Casey notices the disparity between the accelerated thudding of her heart and the drumbeat. And her breathing feels like she’s taking breaths that are too small. Izzy somehow makes everything exciting.</p><p>“Let’s see your best moves, Iz.” </p><p>Casey feels stupid as soon as she says it. But Izzy isn’t mocking her. In fact, she throws herself into the dancing, locking eyes, inching closer with every beat.</p><p>As the two circle one another with the music as their guide, they share a smirk over their secret, mutual attraction. Everyone else seems oblivious to their ogling. And even if they are catching on, Casey is hopelessly charmed by the tiny freckles that smatter Izzie’s cheeks, the old school beauty mark above her lips, the...</p><p>“If I were you, I’d stick to track, Newton.” Izzie whispers. </p><p>Izzie is so close, her chin dips up toward Casey. Despite the sparks flying off of them and turning into a full-blown firework show, Izzie’s earlier words creep into Casey’s thoughts.</p><p>
  <em>I don’t feel like broadcasting our business to the world.</em>
</p><p>But Izzie’s mouth is so close that Casey is breathing her in. They are sharing the same, delicious air. In that moment, they seem to sync, their bodies magnetically pulling together. Casey is no longer thinking, just feeling their energy, filling in the last few centimetres between them.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Izzie snaps. Her voice is quiet but cold, as she takes a step back.</p><p>“Nothing! I’m… I’m dancing.” Izzie’s abrupt change in energy scares Casey.</p><p>“We talked about this. I don’t need to advertise my personal business to the world.”</p><p>“I’m not trying--”</p><p>“I just--I need water.”</p><p>Izzie leaves the room.</p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p><p>Casey cannot deal with the emotional barrage she finds herself in, so she turtles away her feelings. Her outer shell playfully bumps butts with Sharice on the dance floor, while her inner shell replays the moment Izzie backed away.</p><p>The room is now uncomfortable--too full, too hot, too loud. She longs for Evan’s embrace, for him to whisper in her ear that it will be okay. A surge of guilt runs through her for wanting his comfort after all she did to him.</p><p>When she was with Evan, she felt her body respond to just the thought of him. But earlier, she felt more than she ever did with Evan. It was like her and Izzie were one. Their energy had synchronized just by proximity.</p><p>Casey tries listening to what Sharice is saying, forcing a smile to continue the charade that she is having a great time. Meanwhile, half of her is in a dark, quiet corner in the fetal position repeatedly reciting Sam’s soothing penguin mantra.</p><p>
  <em>Adelie, Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo.</em>
</p><p>Suddenly, light reflects off a hooped earring across the room. Casey’s chest twinges when she sees Izzie’s tiny squared teeth form into a smile. Then she sees black, douchey hair under a baseball cap. The Class A jock from the movies--stereotypically good looking in a muscular way, but boring. And the gap is closing between them. Casey was that guy earlier, except when Douche gets closer, Izzie doesn't step away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tumblr: kindrednerdspirit</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Party - Izzie's Perspective</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is an expansion on Season 3, Episode 9, where Izzie insists she does not want her relationship with Casey to be public, yet. It takes place at the hotel party before the big track meet. I re-tell what happened in the episode, but there is some embellishment.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Izzie's Perspective</strong>
</p><p>Izzie glances around the drab hotel room with its multiple brown shades and feels a familiar knot forming in her stomach. She wants to make a good impression on Casey’s friends from Newton, but she is also the “enemy” from Clayton Prep. Of course, she <em>technically</em> didn’t steal Casey, but she indirectly stole her by welcoming her to a new school and a new team (insert gay pun here). And don’t even get Izzie started on Sharice… whose jealous friend vibes border on jealous girlfriend vibes.</p><p>“I don’t know, Newton. Looks like enemy territory,” she sighs.</p><p>“Tonight, we dance with them. Tomorrow, we crush them,” Casey grins.</p><p>Izzie loves Casey’s knack for making her feel at ease. One evening of Sharice’s daggers wouldn’t kill her, right? And maybe she was overreacting a bit, considering Sharice had invited her. She even seemed sincere.</p><p>“It <em>does</em> look kinda fun.”</p><p>“Oh shoot, I forgot you hate fun, though!”</p><p>Izzie happily plays along by wrapping her fingers around Casey’s and gently pulling her to the middle of the dance floor. It’s easy to just <em>be</em> around Casey. She can briefly leave her responsibilities at the door and be temporarily free of the pressures from home, track, and school. And the attention Casey gives her--the looks, the eyes, the smiles--it is infectious.</p><p>“Yoko Ono” by Moby Rich thrums its heavy bass throughout the room. Not a traditional slow song in any sense, but Casey is excited for it. She mouths “Oooo” and, despite the lame finger snaps, confidently begins sliding toward Izzie.</p><p>“Let’s see your best moves, Iz.”</p><p>Her voice is alluring, matching her usual andro vibe. Izzie takes in Casey’s red collared shirt and belly top, mixed with high Adidas socks and black and white Vans. She admires her ability to consistently border on masculine and feminine, but mostly, she is captivated by it. It’s so beautiful how she can equally inhabit both worlds, blurring gender binaries simply by being herself. She loves that Casey has the courage to just be herself.</p><p>Their dancing is playful as they circle one another, not quite touching. They move with a fluidity that comes from reading each other’s body language. The contrast between how she dances with Casey and how she danced with Nate is vast. Nate would’ve taken the lead, but with Casey, they take turns leading and supporting. They flow back-and-forth between roles with ease.</p><p>Casey begins moving closer. Izzie follows. The playfulness evaporates once the two feel one another’s body heat. Izzie’s body buzzes when Casey’s mouth hovers inches from her lips, patiently waiting to taste her. When she breathes her in, everything in the world goes on standby. She wants Newton more than anything.</p><p>But there is an inkling in the back of her head she can’t expel. A black dot so tiny she sometimes forgets about it. It’s always there, though, increasing and shrinking in size, depending on her fears.</p><p>
  <em>What if she isn’t good enough for Casey? She has so much baggage from her home life. If she had to take care of her siblings, she couldn’t be physically present for Newton, not like Evan could be present. What if she pulled Casey away from him for nothing? What if she wasted Casey’s time? After all, she had no idea WHO she was. What if what she felt for Casey was real, but she fucked it up? What if being girlfriends ruined their friendship, and she lost Newton forever? She couldn’t bear to lose her.</em>
</p><p>Casey reaches for Izzie’s sweater and lightly pulls. With that touch, Izzie feels herself detaching from the moment. She desperately wants to stay present, but she can’t. Her brain is working overtime, swiftly becoming overwhelmed by all her feelings and everything between her and Newton. She is derailing fast.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Izzie panics. Her brain is officially at its anxiety limit, choosing between fight or flight.</p><p>“Nothing! I’m… I’m dancing.” </p><p>Casey’s face crumbls, confirming Izzie’s fears. She will ruin their special bond if they are anything more than friends.</p><p>“We talked about this. I don’t need to advertise my personal business to the world.”</p><p>“I’m not trying--”</p><p>“I just--I need water.”</p><p>Izzie’s brain settles on flight, and with that, her legs direct her away from the party.</p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p><p>She remembers him approaching her, but she can’t remember anything specific about him. He was interested in her, though, and she was… numb.</p><p>
  <em>They had something real, but she’d fuck it up eventually. Might as well spare Newton the time and end it now.</em>
</p><p>So when he leaned in, she did, too.</p><p>At any rate, the kiss did nothing for her. She felt nothing. She was nothing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tumblr: kindrednerdspirit</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Izzie and Casey are not speaking, because Iz kissed a random dude at a party. Izzie's home life is chaos, as usual, and she has reverted back to her pre-Casey life at Clayton Prep. She's struggling to figure out who she is, while breaking under the weight of responsibility and stress. Life without Newton? The worst. Meanwhile, Casey learns more about her grandma.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><strong>TLDR:</strong> Timeline is after Season 3, Episode 9. It’s canon, except Izzie and Casey have not made up. Also, Evan and Casey are close friends, not just awkwardly figuring out how to be friends. Excuse the roughness, this is a work in progress.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Friday, two weeks after the party. Izzie.</strong>
</p><p>Since the party, the only thing Izzie knows about her and Newton, is that Newton wants nothing to do with her. It makes sense, really. Right after they almost kissed, she bolted and made out with someone else. Sometimes, Iz thinks of how turned on she was when Newton leaned in to kiss her. The memory alone makes her feel alive. It takes her out of the daily havoc and chaos created by her mother, reminding her of better things. It’s not like she savours the memory of Newton, though, or uses it to make herself feel better, because it inevitably gives way to embarrassment. Izzie went all the way with Nate and never, not once, did her body to respond to him like that. How could she be so dense to not know something so obvious about herself?</p><p>Maybe she should be grateful she even knows someone could make her feel the way Newton does. Lately, though, it’s hard to feel grateful. Izzie is back to the ol’ numb-your-emotions-to-get-through-the-day routine. Her mum left again. No note, no nothing, just unanswered questions and disappointed kids. It’s been a long time since Iz held any hope that her mum would stop using. Her siblings are different. Sometimes they still wait for her, awake in their beds at night, hoping she’ll come home safe.</p><p>But her siblings are all younger than her. Jason, the oldest, is eleven. He helps out with Alysha, their seven-year-old sister, and Arya, their two-year-old sister. He is so unbelievably sweet and Iz has no idea where he gets it from. She tries not to place too much responsibility on him, though. He’s still a kid, and the last thing she wants to do is rob him of his childhood.</p><p>Iz walks up the stairs to Clayton Prep as the warning bell rings. She cut it too close today. Selena has been sick this week, so the usual morning routine was a slog. She’s fussy, so Izzie woke Jason earlier than usual to help Alysha get ready. Iz considered an earlier wake-up time for herself but Coach is particularly barky lately, concerned that she is not getting enough sleep. It’s annoying when Coach notices things, because she’ll ask if things are okay at home. And what is Izzie supposed to say, exactly? </p><p>“My mum is an addict.” </p><p>“My siblings need me to take care of them.” </p><p>“I’m worried that I’ll have to quit track, because my mum is a mess.”</p><p>“At any moment, the floor could fall out from underneath me, and I live with that possibility every day. But yeah, things are okay at home.”</p><p>Anyhow, Iz knocked on Jason’s door and gently shook him awake. Waking Jase 20 minutes earlier than usual doesn’t count as ruining his childhood, right? His response is a groan and a loud, “Why!?” That’s how Izzie knew it was going to be one of <em>those</em> mornings.</p><p>Like usual, the rest of the morning was a blur as Izzie got Arya ready for the day, while monitoring Jason and Alysha. She fed Arya as they got on their shoes. </p><p>“Where’s your coat, Jason?” Izzie asked in between scooping spoonfuls of mashed banana into Arya’s mouth.</p><p>“I don’t need one.”</p><p>“You wear your coat when you leave this house. Go get it, please.” She handed Arya their agendas and lunch, then kneeled in front of her.</p><p>“Love you, hon.” She said before giving her sister a big hug and a kiss. Jason returned with a blue jacket and gave Iz a quick one-armed squeeze before running out the door.</p><p>“Wait for your sister!” She yelled after them before the door slammed shut.</p><p>When Izzie’s mum is sober, she leaves the house at 7:30 am, promptly arriving 15 minutes before the warning bell. With her mum AWOL and Arya needing to be delivered to her grandparents, Iz gets to Clayton Prep 15 minutes later than usual--too late for somebody trying to get into UCLA.</p><p>Izzie rushes to her locker. Her pre-Newton friends, who’re her current friends, wave and tell her to “hurry up.” Iz turns her lock clockwise, counterclockwise, clockwise in its familiar pattern, then opens the door. As she is switching out binders, her heart stops when she sees a folded piece of paper. A note from Newton? Not wasting a second, she grabs it and opens it. </p><p>It reads, “Do you like me?” Two unfilled boxes are underneath, one with the word “yes,” the other with the word, “no.” There is no name indicating who wrote it.</p><p>Izzie’s heart pounds in her chest. Newton didn’t write it. This would, sadly, be the most exciting part of her school day. She stuffs the note in her pocket and makes her way to the library.</p><p>Student council is a new gig for Izzie. She has essentially reverted back to her pre-Newton self. Her old friends happily welcomed her back, inviting her to join student council in the process. There is Scarlet, who is like Regina George with less anger. She’s popular, bossy, mean, but she doesn’t mess with Izzie. Then there is Harmony, who is like Scarlet’s right-hand woman who does what Scarlet says. She probably has a personality, but Izzie hasn’t seen it, yet. Maybe Harmony will get a personality once she snaps. Lastly, there’s the new initiate who Iz is just getting to know. Her name is Mel, and she seems sweet. Why she’s hanging with Scarlet or Harmony is still a mystery to Izzie. </p><p>Iz enters the room right before the bell rings, and pulls out a chair. Everyone is looking at her.</p><p>“So?” Scarlet mischievously smiles. “Any new news?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“No… notes?” Harmony jumps in. </p><p>“Oh, yeah, but no name on it.” Izzie pulls the note out of her pocket, unravels it, and puts it on the table.</p><p>Scarlet snatches the note and examines it, while Harmony and Mel lean in.</p><p>“It’s from Brad. As in Nate’s friend, Brad.” Scarlet points to a previously unfolded piece with Brad’s name. The girls look giddy, all with wide grins on their faces. Well, at least Harmony and Scarlet are grinning, Mel looks uncertain. She likely has no idea who Brad is. Lucky girl.</p><p>Izzie sits on the other side of the table, not impressed. “Great. The best friend of the dickhead who lied and cheated on me likes me.” Iz starts fishing her binder and pens out of her backpack.</p><p>“Oh, come on, Iz. Chin up. This could be a great rebound for you. Also, it would totally make Nate jealous.” Scarlet and Harmony giggle.</p><p>Iz enjoys the thought of an angry Nate, too, but she mostly doesn’t care. “Can we not talk about Nate? I’d rather just get started.”</p><p>“Yikes. No help this morning, either?” Asks Scarlet.</p><p>Izzie shakes her head. Unfortunately, Scarlet and Harmony are very aware of Izzie’s home life situation. Iz had a moment of weakness months ago (pre-Newton), where she broke down and told them about having to look after her siblings. </p><p>The girls are empathetic to Izzie’s situation, promptly starting the student council meeting. There is a school dance coming up that has Harmony and Scarlet’s attention. Iz zones out, thinking about how everything at Clayton Prep drags without Newton. It’s less interesting, less fun. She remembers the time she pretended Newton pushed her during their first sprint. Shame immediately rushes over her at the thought of the memory. Izzie was so certain Newton was just another over privileged rich kid.</p><p>“Iz?” Scarlet is staring at her.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Wow, where were you? We’re voting on Mel’s idea. Should we ask for LGBTQ+ safe spaces in our next meeting?”</p><p>Izzie is caught off-guard. Usually, the conversations revolve around more trivial things, like dances and hem lengths on the girls’ uniforms. Her mouth moves before her brain catches up.</p><p>“Yeah, I support Mel’s idea.”</p><p>Scarlet raises her brow. “Okay, you two can brainstorm ideas for making safe spaces. Harmony and I will keep working on the dance.”</p><p>Mel turns to Izzie, “Thanks.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, Clayton Prep is supposed to be one of the more progressive schools, but I barely see any posters or anything saying it’s a safe space.”</p><p>Mel smiles and nods, “My thoughts exactly.”</p><p>Izzie feels her heart skip. Is that… excitement? Did something more interesting happen today than a jock’s secret love note? She tries to keep herself from smiling too wide while brainstorming with Mel, who is suddenly the only other person on her radar.</p><p>
  <strong>Later that evening</strong>
</p><p>The first clue that her mum is back is the hunk of junk parked in the driveway. The second clue is the smell of pepperoni deluxe pizza that hits Izzie when she pushes open the door. Her mum always bought pizza as an “I’m sorry” treat. Iz walks into the kitchen with three large bags of groceries--groceries that she rushed to buy after school, so her and the kids could eat dinner at a reasonable time.</p><p>“IZZIE, my beautiful, gorgeous girl!” Her mum gets up from the table and gives her an exaggerated hug in front of Boyfriend Number… Six?</p><p>Iz doesn’t know if she’s high or not, and doesn’t care to find out.</p><p>“Hey.” She’s short as she puts away the food.</p><p>“This is Steve. Steve, meet Izzie, my oldest.” </p><p>“Hi, nice to meet you.” Steve almost sounds like he means it. </p><p>It’s never worth her time to meet her mum’s boyfriends, so Izzie ignores them and puts away some pasta sauce and beans.</p><p>“Hey,” her mum’s tone flipped remarkably fast, “I raised you better than that--don’t ignore people when they talk to you.”</p><p>Iz has also learned, over time, that it’s best for her to preserve her energy when it comes to her mum. This is one of those battles that wasn’t worth her time.</p><p>She turns to Steve, expressionless, and says, “Hi,” then immediately begins to put away canned corn and soup. “So Steve, were you in the picture before or after my mum left without notice for five days?” </p><p>No answer from either of them, but it doesn’t matter, the situation is disappointing enough already. Iz slams the cupboard shut and leaves to check on her siblings. She numbed herself the moment she walked through the door, anyway. </p><p>
  <strong>Saturday morning</strong>
</p><p>Iz wakes up the next day to a bright, beautiful Saturday morning. She groans, not wanting to deal with her mum today, so she decides to go for an early run. Leaping into her hoodie and track pants, she pads down the hallway and into the kitchen.</p><p>“Hi, beautiful.” Her mum is sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.</p><p>Iz frowns and fills her water bottle. “Did you sleep last night?”</p><p>There’s a scoff and a shuffling of feet. “What does it matter if I slept or not?”</p><p>“You know it matters!” Izzie’s raised voice even surprises her. Insomnia is one of her mum’s symptoms when she’s taking too many painkillers.</p><p>Her mum doesn’t say a word.</p><p>“Where did you go?” Izzie presses.</p><p>“I’m not having this conversation with you right now.” Her mum gets out of her chair and leaves the room. Other symptoms include hostility and mood swings. Nowadays, it was difficult for Iz to pinpoint her mum’s “normal” level of agitation. She always seemed sad or angry.</p><p>Feeling the familiar anger rise in her chest, Izzie calls after her. “Wherever you were for the last five days, I hope it was worth it!”</p><p>
  <strong>Friday, two weeks after the party. Casey and Elsa</strong>
</p><p>It’s a normal day in the Gardner household, whatever normal is when Casey’s autistic brother understands her relationship with her ex-girlfriend through the lens of two gay penguins who adopted an egg. And now Casey is not with her ex (hence the term “ex”), so she’s wondering if there’s another example of a gay penguin that Sam can compare her to that doesn’t have a partner. Oh, and then there’s her parents who are living together but not technically together, but they sometimes go on dates...</p><p>Anyhow, Casey readies herself for a run. She wolfs down some pancakes made by Elsa, who is doing her typical mum thing and staring too long at her daughter.</p><p>“What?” Casey asks in between mouthfuls of fluffy, syrupy deliciousness.</p><p>“Have you talked to Izzie, lately?” She asks because for over a week, Casey hasn’t been looking at her phone with a goofy smile on her face, or laughing to herself while staring at the screen. Something is up.</p><p>“Nope.” It’s a firm “no,” denoting that there’s nothing else to say about the subject.</p><p>Elsa is not convinced, but letting her kids come to her for support has been not only rewarding, but extremely successful, so she doesn’t press further.</p><p>“Uhm.” There’s a beat as Casey wonders whether she should continue or not. “I saw grandma yesterday.”</p><p>Elsa stops washing the plate she’s holding, and turns to face her daughter. “Oh. Where?”</p><p>“Outside the hair salon. I crossed the street and talked to her for awhile.”</p><p>“That’s good!” Elsa nods a bit too vigorously to sound convincing.</p><p>“Why don’t we see her much? I mean, like, what happened between you two? For real.”</p><p>Casey knows that Elsa and her grandma don’t get along, but Elsa has held back on telling her daughter the full truth. Painting her mum as an alcoholic, absent parent wasn’t how Elsa wanted her children to see their grandma. And, even though those days are in the distant past, they still stir up difficult feelings for Elsa. </p><p>Maybe she was unwittingly selfishly avoiding this conversation? She used to tell herself to wait for the right time, and now seemed like as good a time as any. Especially with Casey opening up to her recently about her feelings toward Izzie. She usually went to Doug for advice, so to finally have “girl” time together was really special.</p><p>With that thought in mind, Elsa pulls out a chair and sits beside her daughter. She takes a deep breath before speaking.</p><p>“I didn’t get along with my mum growing up. She wasn’t around when she should’ve been. She’d drink too much, come home too late, and there was a lot to do around the house, because she was absent. She was often around...physically, she didn’t go on benders or anything, but she was mentally gone. A lot. Even now, it’s hard for me to be in the same room as her, let alone trust her.”</p><p>Casey sucks in a quick breath. Elsa’s eyes are watery, but no tears fall. “Oh.” Casey’s short reply feels stupid and lackluster. Speechless, she hugs her mum. For once, she feels very grateful for her mum’s presence, even if that presence is often bothersome.</p><p>“Love you.” Casey says before pulling away. </p><p>“Love you, too.”</p><p>“Thanks for not being a giant, meddling Elsa earlier.” She smiles wryly before leaving her seat, then leaving the house for her run.</p><p>
  <strong>Saturday. Izzie talks to Evan.</strong>
</p><p>She loves the feeling she gets when she is running, like all her problems are somehow smaller, because she can think clearly. Izzie’s feet hit the warm pavement rhythmically, taking her further and further from home. Sometimes she fantasizes about running and never turning back. She could be free, free to go wherever she wanted and be whoever she wanted to be. But that’s all they were--daydreams. She could never leave Jason, Alysha, or Arya. One thing she could do, however, was let her feet take control, at least for a little while. Which is why she eventually found herself at… Don’s Pizza?</p><p>
  <em>You don’t want to be here,</em> she thinks to herself. <em>Evan works here.</em>
</p><p>She stands looking at the entrance while families peer over at the strange, lone person on the edge of the parking lot.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck it, I’ll just sit down and buy a slice. Just because Evan works here doesn’t mean that this has to be a big deal.</em>
</p><p>Iz lets her feet walk her through the front door. He is there, of course, standing behind the counter, wiping it down with a washcloth. He hasn’t looked up, yet. She could still leave.</p><p>“Evan, customer at the door.” Someone barks from the kitchen.</p><p>As soon as his eyes meet Izzie’s, his face hardens, but he walks over.</p><p>“Hey.” There is an awkward pause. “Would you like to sit at a booth or the counter?”</p><p>Iz doesn’t skip a beat. “The counter.”</p><p>“Uhhm… that’s where I’ll be.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>His eyes narrow. “Look, I don’t think we should talk about Casey.”</p><p>Iz raises her eyebrow. “Oh, are you suddenly uninterested in her? That didn’t take long.” </p><p>Evan folds his arms and sighs. He doesn’t want to stand in the doorway any longer, and he is a little curious as to why Izzie is here. The last time he talked to Casey, she told him that Izzie didn’t want to date her, almost like she had cold feet or something.</p><p>“This way.” He says gruffly while walking toward the available spot at the counter.</p><p>She follows him and pulls out the bar stool. Iz looks at the table while Evan stands behind the counter, the two saying nothing. </p><p>“I think I made a mistake.” Izzie blurts. Her chest rises and falls. Was she sweating? “I never should have got between you and Casey. She deserves...I can’t give her what she deserves. My life is complicated and I’ll just get in the way of her and UCLA.”</p><p>Evan is leaning against the counter, his arms outstretched with the washcloth in his back pocket. “For someone who’s smart, you’re really dumb.”</p><p>“I know.” Iz covers her face with her hands. She is overwhelmingly embarrassed by confiding in the one person who likely hated her, and unbelievably distraught over missing Newton.</p><p>“<em>What</em> is the problem?” He’s exasperated. “She left me because she likes you more. When I was with her, she lit up when she talked about you! Casey was different around you, like you two were in sync or something. You’re an idiot for throwing that away.”</p><p>Izzie feels her eyes warm up from the tears. Evan sighs and looks right into her eyes. “Just go to her.” He waits a beat. “Please? Preferably sooner rather than later, so I can get back to work.”</p><p>A grin spreads across Izzie’s face and she hiccups out a laugh. “I’m not ordering anything.”</p><p>“Yeah, I gathered that. I’ll still take a tip, though.”</p><p>She smirks and puts the only bill she has on the table. It’s $5. “That’s for stealing your girlfriend.”</p><p>“That’s…” For once in this conversation, Evan is speechless. “You know what? I have actual work to do, so…”</p><p>Iz pushes in her stool, feeling lighter than she did ten minutes ago. “You know, I think I’m starting to understand your appeal.” She switches to a more serious tone. “Thank you.”</p><p>Evan nods and does, in fact, get back to work.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <strong>My inspiration for writing this:</strong>
</p><p>I felt like the time in between the party where Izzie kisses a random guy (S3, E9) and the part where Casey and Izzie make up (S3, E10) could have been longer. It wasn’t necessarily rushed, but there was lots of potential to add more, especially in regards to Izzie’s internalized homophobia. I thought it would be fun to flush out Izzie’s feelings, and show her coming to terms with being gay.</p><p>With Izzie’s emotions on my mind, I considered how the show hasn’t written much about her home life, either (not yet anyway--cannot wait for S4). So, I decided to write about life at home, her siblings, and the weight of having an absent parent. I was inspired and struck by the scene where Elsa sits down with Izzie, and shares how her mother was absent, too, and how that impacted her parenting style.</p><p>If you’re wondering why Izzie is hanging out with a superficial, “mean girl” crowd, it’s because I think that’s the role she played before she met Casey. This assumption is based on how Izzie first treats Casey, like when she pretends she pushed her during the sprint and when she refuses to help Casey on her first day of school. I’m also considering Izzie’s intimidating presence, and how she seems to have influence over her nameless, pre-Newton friends. From a psychological standpoint, kids who have absent parents sometimes put on "masks," like being a bully. I think taking on a powerful role at school would help give her a sense of control, especially if you consider the chaos at home. Also, bullies and kids with absent parents can be great at numbing their emotions. I figure Iz would be great at numbing her emotions as well, especially when we consider her life at Clayton Prep without Casey (post S3, E9 dance).</p><p>I have chosen to add Mel as a character, because like many things with Izzie's storyline, the people in her life are talked about but not shown (her siblings, mum, and grandparents). Yes, we see some of Izzie's friends, but they're nameless and they kind-of disappear once Casey shows up. So, this is my small attempt at adding more to her life.</p><p>Phew! Anyhow, that’s how this piece began. Thank you for reading. Reach out if you have ideas, suggestions, criticisms, etc., or if you write Cazzie or Atypical fanfiction, too.</p><p>Tumblr: kindrednerdspirit</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Izzie overhears a difficult conversation between Steve and her mum that pushes her to stay at her grandparents' house for the night. While upset, Iz realizes what's important and decides to win Newton back. This chapter attempts to kick it up a notch with Izzie's Newton fantasy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Sunday. Izzie returns home after going for a run.</strong>
</p><p>Izzie jogs up the stairs to her front door and stops at the sound of a man’s voice.</p><p>“Where does she go?” He asks.</p><p><em>Is that Steve?</em> She hesitates.</p><p>Izzie’s mum replies, “Mum and dad say that she spends a lot of time with another girl on the track team.”</p><p>“So she spends a lot of time with her friend. Sounds like normal teenager stuff to me.”</p><p>“No, no… like <em>too</em> much time together and she’s only briefly dated one guy.”</p><p>“So what? You think she’s a dyke?”</p><p>Izzie sucks in a quick breath at the word “dyke,” but continues hovering at the door.</p><p>“Maybe? She doesn’t look or dress like one, though.”</p><p>Nope, she doesn’t want to hear anymore of this conversation. Iz shoves open the door and glares into the living room, where Steve and her mum are sitting on the couch. “Enlighten me. How exactly does a dyke look and dress?”</p><p>“Oh my God!” Her mum cries, clearly startled. “You scared me! Don’t sneak around listening to private conversations!”</p><p>“If I could <em>actually</em> count on you to be here, then I wouldn’t assume you were out and I wouldn’t accidentally hear your so-called private conversations!”</p><p>“Get out!” Her mum bellows.</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me twice!”</p><p>Izzie storms into her room. Her mind is racing, bouncing from her mum’s addiction, to coming to terms with her queer identity, to feeling lonely, to Newton. The only thing that’s clear is her need for space–space between her and this house. She starts grabbing clothes out of her dresser and cramming them in an overnight bag. Maybe she can go to her grandparents’ place. Despite knowing she needs distance, the familiar twinge of guilt for leaving Jason, Alysha, and Arya creeps up. </p><p><em>Jase will be fine, right?</em> He has a phone to call her in case of emergencies. <em>It’s just one night. You’re not mum.</em> Iz repeats the last two sentences in her head as she continues packing.</p><p>Tears stream down her face as she puts her homework and textbooks into her backpack. Iz is many emotions right now, but she’s mostly frustrated with herself. After all, why does she care what her mum thinks about gay people? Logically, she shouldn’t, but she’s livid as she thinks about her mum’s ignorant words. What did a lesbian look like, exactly? Butch, apparently. As if all queer girls looked the same.</p><p>She wants to kiss Alysha and Arya goodbye but she looks like a mess with her red, puffy eyes. No need to make them worry about her. She won’t be gone long, anyway. With a deep breath, Iz prepares herself to walk past her mum on her way out the front door. As she passes the doorframe to the living room, however, she cannot help but yell at the two sorry excuses for adults. Her mum is now standing, arguing with Steve, whose butt is still parked on the couch.</p><p>“You know what’s the most annoying part of you being back? You don’t make things easier! I worry and stress just as much as when you’re gone.” Izzie slams the door behind her and rushes down the concrete stairs to the front lawn. It’s awkward running with a backpack, but she needs the physical distance immediately, so she jogs until the end of the block. As she slows to a walk, she pulls out her phone and texts Jason.</p><p>
  <em>Going to grandma and grandpa’s for the night. Say goodnight to the girls for me xx.</em>
</p><p>All Iz wants is to vent to Casey about her mum’s tone and judgment toward even the idea that she could be queer. Not to mention her presence in general. <em>New topic. Think happy thoughts.</em> The memory of bonding with Newton in Coach’s office comes to mind. She remembers feeling so happy that Newton wasn’t a spoiled rich kid like everyone else. That she also felt a need to be perfect all the time. It was the first time since her mum started using that Izzie didn’t feel alone. These days, however, thinking of Newton quickly gets depressing, so Iz takes out her headphones and listens to “The Look” by Metronomy. In an attempt to further distract herself, she concentrates on the lyrics.</p><p>
  <em>Get up and we get down</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We’re always running around this town</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And to think they said</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We’d never make anything better than this</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cause we’re always in small circles</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And everyone thinks we’re trouble</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We didn’t read it in the big book</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And now we’re giving you the look look…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This town’s the oldest friend of mine</em>
</p><p>Sometimes when she listens to a song, she likes to imagine a story that goes along with it. Izzie pictures a woman driving around town with her girlfriend. The “small circles” are small town people gossiping about them, like townsfolk do, speculating about their relationship as the two live their lives. And like any stereotypical small community, the townies are narrow minded in their beliefs, believing that queer relationships are “trouble,” because the “big book” says so. Iz rolls her eyes at the thought, counting herself lucky to not be the woman in the song, until she hears “this town’s the oldest friend of mine.” The woman wants the town’s approval! She, by all means, is aware that they’re backwards, yet she <em>still</em> wants their acceptance.</p><p>Iz groans. Her attempt at distracting herself from Newton is failing miserably. Now, all she can think of is her own life in relation to the character in the song. How is she any different? She’s essentially surrounded herself with friends that don’t know who she really is, like Harmony and Scarlet. What’s the point in hiding her true self? Who cares what her friends think? Who cares what her mum thinks? Who cares what strangers think? Because at the end of the day, the only people that matter in her life are her siblings, grandparents, and Newton. And she pushed Newton away. She tried convincing herself that less connections at Clayton Prep meant flying under the radar, and flying under the radar meant more focus on track. It was her big chance to get into UCLA! Ironically, though, she felt even less focussed, because she was unhappy.</p><p>Evan was right. Newton chose <em>her.</em> The worst that could happen was happening right now–Newton wasn’t in her life. Period. End of story. It didn’t get worse than this, so Iz might as well try to make amends and go public. She had nothing to lose. That is, if Newton would take her back.</p><p>
  <strong>Monday, first block. Izzie’s perspective</strong>
</p><p>The next morning, Izzie leaves her grandparents’ place with extra food in her lunch (an apple and sandwich that her grandma insisted she take) and a fire in her eyes, because today is the day she gets Newton back.</p><p>Izzie has decided to talk to Casey during track practice, since they share their first block. No sign of her, yet, as she puts on her sneakers, Adidas shorts, and a clean t-shirt in the locker room. She hustles toward the field, quickly spotting Casey stretching with the other girls on the team. Iz stretches on her own, her lips pressed together. Things are not going according to plan, because she was hoping for a private talk.</p><p>Sixty minutes go by of Izzie watching Newton. Her heart pounds from the anticipation of their conversation. Oh, and the small fact that she’s insanely hot. Casey slows down to a trot after sprinting the 200 metre. She’s overheating, so she splashes water on her face to cool down. Iz enjoys watching the droplets trickle down her face and over her lips. <em>Calm yourself. Stop thinking about how you want to help her dry off.</em> The braver version of herself would march over and loudly declare, “I love you.” Newton would then give a reciprocal answer, pathing the way for Brave Izzie to lean in. In her fantasy, her lips brush against Newton’s earlobe before she whispers in front of the entire track team, “Now, let me help you dry off.” </p><p>The thought alone makes Iz wet. She imagines herself gently pressing her thumb underneath Newton’s lips and pulling down just enough for them to part. Newton’s breathing quickens. Izzie wants to tease, so she hovers centimetres from her mouth, making her wait. It’s hot watching Newton untangle, simply because she wants her. Newton swallows, quing Iz to finally nibble her lip. It’s a drawn-out nibble, as she gently pulls her lip back with her teeth and releases it. To Izzie’s delight, Newton quietly moans. Meanwhile, anyone on the track team who was previously unaware of their own sexuality has a much better idea of what team(s) they play for.</p><p>Iz is a hot mess by the time Coach blows the whistle, signalling the end of class. The girls begin walking back to the locker room in a large swarm.</p><p><em>Fuck it.</em> Izzie thinks. <em>I cannot wait any longer.</em></p><p>“Yo, Newton! Wait up!” She calls while jogging behind her.</p><p>Casey ignores her, continuing her conversation with another team mate. “Newton. Stop, please.” Iz is now beside her, making it very difficult to avoid a conversation. It all happens so fast. Before Iz realizes what is happening, Casey turns on her heel and looks at her with cold eyes. “I don’t know how to make this more clear. I don’t want to talk to you.” Her voice trembles and Iz swears she sees her shaking.</p><p>“I–” Iz is taken off guard. This is not going according to plan.</p><p>“Please, don’t follow me.” The way Casey pleads in a quiet but firm tone hits Izzie hard. She hesitates, wanting to respect the boundary, but desperately needing to share her feelings. Her hesitation ends up being too long, because the moment escapes her, along with Newton. She watches her moment walk the rest of the field and open the locker room door, then disappear.</p><p>Izzie stands, rejected, near the end of the bleachers. A familiar voice startles her out of her thoughts.</p><p>“Ouch. That was rough.”</p><p>
  <em>Mel?</em>
</p><p>Izzie peers up at her new, potential friend who’s currently sitting on the bleachers with a notebook and a pen. She’s dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt that’s tucked into dark red corduroy pants with Doc Martens. Her long, wavy brown hair is tousled around her black glasses that frame her face.</p><p>Izzie feels annoyed from the rejection, the failed plan, Mel’s nosiness–all of it. “What are you doing here?” She asks, rather pointedly with an arched eyebrow.</p><p>“Working on my English essay.”</p><p>Iz grunts and folds her arms. “How much did you see, exactly?”</p><p>“Everything.” Mel sticks her hand into the bag of Doritos next to her and munches on the chips. “What’s your end goal?”</p><p>“With what?”</p><p>“Casey. You like her, right?”</p><p>Izzie’s heart quickens. “Yeah… how do you know?”</p><p>Mel shrugs. “Gaydar.”</p><p>Iz studies Mel before speaking. “How do you get good gaydar?”</p><p>“After you like girls for long enough, you just know when a girl likes another girl.”</p><p>Izzie feels herself relax as her defensiveness fades away. “Maybe you can give me some pointers some time.”</p><p>“What am I? Your lesbian guru?” A smirk spreads across Mel’s face.</p><p>Izzie laughs loudly. It feels good! She cannot remember the last time she laughed so hard. “Sure, why not?”</p><p>“I hate to break it to you, but I haven’t dated a girl before, so I’m going to be a really shitty gay guru.”</p><p>Mel’s honesty somewhat surprises Izzie, but because this quality is currently lacking in her life, it’s refreshing. “I’d rather have a shitty gay guru than none at all.”</p><p>The girls laugh. Iz doesn’t want to leave, but UCLA keeps her from playing hookie. “I should go to class, but I’ll see you at student council later.” She hasn’t given up on Newton–not even close. Izzie respects Newton enough to leave her alone if that’s what she truly wants, but not before letting her know she’s done hiding herself from the world.</p><p>“See you.” Mel goes back to her writing with a grin on her face. And how could she not be smiling? After all, Clayton Prep just got a little more gay.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Casey has another heart-to-heart with Elsa and, in doing so, realizes something important about who she is. Now, she finds herself in the tricky situation of knowing it's best to avoid private moments with Izzie, but she also wants private moments with her.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Monday, first block. Casey’s perspective.</strong>
</p><p>It’s 20 minutes before track practice starts and Casey has one goal: avoid any potential private moments with Izzie. Her decision is influenced by her most recent talk with Elsa. In a bizarre turn of events, the universe decided Casey would connect with Elsa on a deeper level twice in one week. Their first talk about Casey’s grandma helped her understand Elsa’s helicopter parenting and why she gets, well, annoyingly intrusive. Their second talk was an accident. A host of Izzie feelings reached a boiling point for Casey and her Izzie issues spilled out in front of Elsa.</p><p>For context, this is how it all went down:</p><p>The smell of roast fills the Gardner house. Sam works at the kitchen table as Elsa takes dinner out of the oven. He is sketching a new piece for his art class. </p><p>“Sam, honey, do you mind telling your sister that dinner is ready?” Elsa asks as she cuts the roast.</p><p>“I do mind. I have to finish this sketch by tomorrow.”</p><p>Elsa is not surprised by her son’s very literal answer. He had been in flow for hours, sitting in the same spot since he got home from class. This is not a battle she wants to take part in, so she walks up the stairs to get Casey. Strangely, the door is ajar by a few inches. Curious in a way that any parent is interested in their teenager’s “secret” life, Elsa peers in before announcing dinner is ready. Casey is lying on her bed, curled toward the wall and sniffling.</p><p>She acts like she hasn’t been spying, and quietly knocks. “Case, dinner is ready.”</p><p>“Uh, sure. I’ll be right down.” Casey’s voice is soft.</p><p><em>Don’t meddle, don’t meddle, don’t meddle.</em> Elsa repeats the phrase over and over in her head as she walks back into the kitchen and takes dinner into the dining room. A few minutes pass before Casey makes her way downstairs.</p><p>She sees Sam drawing at the kitchen table. “Why aren’t you eating?”</p><p>“I need to finish my sketch. It’s due tomorrow.”</p><p>“So, take a 10 minute break, eat, then finish it.”</p><p>Sam avoids eye contact and looks at the table the entire time he speaks. “Professor Shinerock says you have to find your peak time to achieve flow. My peak time is in the afternoon around 2:30, so this is when I have to start working on my art, because it’s when I’ll be at my most creative and productive. Professor Shinerock says to continue working in flow state for as long as possible.” </p><p>“You know what else helps creativity and productivity? <em>Not</em> starving.”</p><p>“Of course, starving ruins creativity and productivity, because you’d be dead!” Sam tilts his head and furrows his brow. “That’s a ridiculous thing to say.” Without another word, Sam puts on his headphones and returns to his sketch.</p><p>“If you’re not eating by the time I’m done dinner, I’m pretending you’re an egg.” Casey walks away with a smile, knowing that Sam did not hear her warning. She sits at the table with Elsa and starts helping herself to potatoes. The two sit in silence for a minute, save for cutlery clanging against their plates.</p><p>“Sweets, I know I shouldn’t meddle--”</p><p>“So don’t.” Casey finishes.</p><p>“--but I’m just going to say one thing, then nothing else. Promise.”</p><p>Casey rolls her eyes but let’s her mum continue. Elsa takes a deep breath to collect herself. “You just found out that UCLA is interested in you, but you seem sad. And you haven’t had Izzie over in weeks, you mope around the house, you’re unexpectedly crotchety...”</p><p>“Mum!” Casey groans. “Please, get to the point.”</p><p>“I don’t know if Izzie is jealous about UCLA scouting you, but whatever is happening between you two... it will sort itself out. Try not to fret too much.”</p><p>Casey stares at her plate and pauses to mull over her mum’s words. “How do you know?” She’s afraid to look at Elsa. Afraid that if she does, all her emotions will flood out.</p><p>“Because of how you two look at each other. It’s special.” Elsa smiles, reflecting on when she first met Doug. When they first met, they shared the same long stares and goofy smiles as Casey and Izzie. Boy, that seemed like a lifetime ago.</p><p>“Thanks.” Casey is surprised by her mum’s kind words. “I don’t know if it will, though.” Her voice cracks. She shuts her eyes, because she can feel the tears forming. Elsa practically leaps out of her seat to embrace her daughter. She kisses Casey’s head, then soothingly brushes back her hair with her fingers.</p><p>“She’s… embarrassed to be seen with me.” Casey murmurs.</p><p>Elsa nods, knowingly. “I’m sorry, love.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear. “Not everyone is as confident and comfortable with themselves as you.”</p><p>Casey smiles sheepishly and swipes away the tears. Of course, Elsa feels protective of Casey. She doesn’t want <em>anybody</em> breaking her daughter’s heart. At the same time, Elsa also understands Izzie’s situation to a certain extent, making her feel like a protective momma bear toward her, too. They have the shared experience of growing up with an absent parent, and perhaps, similar insecurities. Not to mention that both Casey and Izzie are just beginning to understand their sexual identities, so it's not surprising that this self knowledge is leading to difficult feelings. </p><p>Elsa is suddenly very grateful for reading up on parenting tips for LGBTQ+ kids. She chooses her next words carefully, so as not to imply to Casey that she knows about Izzie’s home situation. “Give her time, hon.” </p><p>“I think I love her.” Casey sniffles.</p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“Love who?” Doug walks into the room looking for dinner. He just got back from work, and somehow slipped into the house without the girls noticing. The question hangs in the air a few beats too long.</p><p>“Uhm, Izzie.” Despite not wanting this conversation to happen in this moment, Casey looks her dad in the eye.</p><p>“Yeah, I love her too!” He grins and pulls out a chair, completely oblivious to what is going on. Casey is not sure what to do, so she looks at her mum. The two watch as Doug happily sticks a fork into the roast beef, then proceeds to scoop carrots. The girls stifle some laughter. Maybe it’s best to let this one slide, considering Casey and Izzie’s relationship status is currently unknown.</p><p>“What?” Doug asks after noticing the girls’ looks.</p><p>“Nothing, Dad. Girl stuff.” Casey looks at her mum as she says it, knowing it will mean something more to her. She then grabs her plate and excuses herself from the table before dropping her dishes in the sink. Sam is still in the kitchen, completely absorbed in his art.</p><p>“I warned you!” Casey shouts. “Prepare to be egged!” With that, she scrambles onto Sam’s chair and sticks her butt on his head.</p><p>“Hey, stop! What are you doing?!” Sam protests.</p><p>“Don’t blame me. You’re the one who compared me to a penguin, so now, you’re my egg.”</p><p>“Why would that make <em>me</em> an egg? That makes no sense! You ruined my flow!” They continue squabbling, wrestling, and yelling.</p><p>Meanwhile, Doug looks at Elsa with a bemused but impressed expression. “Girl talk? Really?”</p><p>Elsa cannot help but beam.</p>
<hr/><p>Needless to say, when Casey found herself stretching on the field 20 minutes early, it was a calculated move. It’s amazing how saying something out loud can make things so clear. Once she told Elsa that Izzie was embarrassed to be seen with her as her girlfriend, something clicked. Casey could never pretend to be <em>just</em> friends with Izzie, it would never work out. She simply wasn’t the type of person to pretend, the type to play a role, even if it meant keeping Izzie close. </p><p>This revelation, however, is not without its issues, because Casey now finds herself in the tricky situation of knowing it’s best to avoid private moments with Iz, but she also wants private moments with her. </p><p>While she works on her quads, Izzie jogs past and veers off to stretch on her own. She’s wearing the tight Adidas shorts that show off her beautiful curves. Casey always considered her own muscular legs to be tall and lanky, but Izzie’s… they were shapely in all the most appealing ways from her legs to her hips. The same hips she held onto whenever she pulled Izzie close. She fit so comfortably in her embrace, with her delightful warmth and faint smell of vanilla beans.</p><p>The best part was when Iz was really close and her chin would dip up. Casey would look down and see the same desire in her eyes as she felt all over her body. A shiver would go down her spine, her breathing would quicken. And everything else would just, sort of, disappear. Fade off into the background. Iz would smile, showing off her button dimples and Casey would want to devour her right then and there for being too adorable.</p><p>
  <em>Oh. My. God. Casey! You have one job. Actually, two jobs. No private moments with Izzie and no getting turned on by Izzie because it’s a slippery slope, my dude. Quick, think of gross things. Zahid kissing Gretchen? Zahid in a robe? Ew, ew, ew! Too far. Poor Zahid. I love the guy for being Sam’s friend, but he’s a serious vagina mood killer.</em>
</p><p>Izzie looks up from her stretching and their eyes meet. She has the longing eyes and Casey knows exactly what she wants. Shit. It’s too hard, so she looks away. Much too hard. The rest of track practice follows a similar pattern of eyes meeting and diverting. </p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p><p>After 60 minutes of failing miserably at ignoring Izzie, Casey is relieved when Coach blows the whistle. She hustles to the locker room with a few other teammates. Casey is talking to another teammate when Iz jogs over, her high ponytail bouncing with each step. She cannot help but disassociate from the conversation, because she sees the infamous Adidas shorts. And just like that, she’s done for. Blood rushes toward her southern regions. The Zahid tactic fails. Once again, Casey curses her body and heart for betraying her brain. </p><p>“Yo, Newton! Wait up!” Iz shouts.</p><p>At the sound of her voice, Casey wavers for a millisecond. She decides to continue listening to her peers, pretending not to hear. But Iz is persistent. Casey’s words from the other night with Elsa race through her head.</p><p>
  <em>She’s embarrassed to be seen with me.</em>
</p><p>The words are upsetting. There’s so many reasons why, it’s hard to pick only one, but she mostly feels frustrated. Frustrated that she cannot hold or kiss Izzie in public, that she cannot share her love with the world, despite their mutual feelings. Worst of all, she feels the immense hurt that comes with knowing she cannot pretend to be just friends. She hates that it has to be all or nothing. But to do otherwise, would be to betray herself. All these complicated emotions build up inside her until she finds herself towering over Izzie.</p><p>“I don’t know how to make this more clear. I don’t want to talk to you.”</p><p>Her cold tone surprises even her. She watches Izzie’s eyes widen, then feels her heart clench in response. Despite everything, her instant reaction is to make Iz feel better. And she easily could. Casey could slip her arms around her, up to the small of her back. Then, she could gently pull Izzie toward her and lean in. She could hover in front of her lips to tease Iz, the two sharing the same, delicious air.</p><p>“I--”</p><p>“Please, don’t follow me.” Casey cuts off Iz with a firm response. She gulps--that was close. Her feet hurry toward the locker room, whisking her away as quickly as possible. She hated feeling like an overdramatic school girl or like she was in some terrible rom-com. Big deal. Just be friends, right? At the same time, though, she knew there was no other way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Izzie shows Clayton Prep who she is. Casey and Izzie talk, among other things. Also, there's a 1980s themed dance.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>One Block Later. The Library.</strong>
</p><p>When Izzie walks into the library for the student council meeting, she’s pleased to see Mel is early, too.</p><p>Mel looks up from her notebook. “Hey. I know we already have the safe space posters printed and ready to hang up, but I have some ideas for future designs. And ideas for other ways we can make Clayton Prep an LGBTQ+ friendly place.” </p><p>“Great! Hold that thought.” Izzie quickly texts Jason to check up on him.</p><p>
  <em>Hi Jase. Did mum help you and Alysha get ready for school?</em>
</p><p>The two girls jump into it. They’re about 15 minutes into their work when Harmony and Scarlet show up.</p><p>“Wow, you’re early!” Scarlet exclaims, looking at the girls. Izzie shrugs and keeps working. Scarlet scrutinizes her as she makes her way over to the table. Her eyes burn into Izzie, making it hard for her to concentrate.</p><p>“What?” She asks, her voice a bit too sharp.</p><p>“Your energy feels different, that’s all.” Scarlet ignores Izzie’s tone, continuing her visual inspection. “Did you hear anything else from Brad?”</p><p>The pen in Izzie’s hand stops in its tracks. The last people she wants to hear about are Brad or Nate or some other guy she cannot care less about. In the past, she’s repeatedly made this clear, but these two are relentless. Izzie sighs, because she knows It’s time to go public. Before she can change her mind, she looks directly at Harmony and Scarlet and straightens her back, so she’s not slouching in her chair.  “You know that I think Nate and Brad are assholes and I’m tired of repeating myself… so, I’m hoping you’ll listen to this–I’m gay.”</p><p>Harmony’s eyes widen and repeatedly blink. Scarlet doesn’t look much different than Harmony, but she’s able to form some words.</p><p>“Oh, shit, Izzie. I–we didn’t know.” A long silence fills the library. “Sorry.”</p><p>To her right, Mel shifts in her seat, but despite everything, Izzie feels fine. Actually, she feels an odd sense of relief. She realizes she rarely sees Scarlet uncomfortable, so she decides to enjoy the moment.</p><p>“Damn, you two, nobody died. I like girls, it’s cool.” Izzie looks over at Mel and the two burst out laughing. “We have to go ladies, but no hard feelings. Really.”</p><p>The two girls take their LGBTQ+ posters and leave, so they can start hanging them up in the hallways. Meanwhile, Harmony and Scarlet find themselves alone and digesting the news.</p><p>“Do you think her and Casey–” asks Harmony.</p><p>“Yes,” replies Scarlet with a firm nod.</p><p>“So, we probably shouldn’t have written ‘slut’ and ‘ho’ on her shoes then–”</p><p>“No, we shouldn’t have,” she says with a firm head shake.</p><p>Harmony inches her hand toward Scarlet’s. “Should we–”</p><p>The warmth of Harmony’s hand startles her, making her quickly pull away. “No.”</p><p>Concern clouds over Harmony’s face. “Should I–”</p><p>“Yes.” Scarlet replies a bit too quickly. She forces herself to look at the wall, anywhere but her friend. In a flash, Harmony grabs her notebook and pencil case, then scurries out of the library.</p><p>
  <strong>Break Between Classes. The Hallway.</strong>
</p><p>“I can’t reach any higher.” Izzie protests while on her tippy toes. She’s holding a stapler with an outstretched arm.</p><p>Mel is holding the safe space poster with ease against the bulletin board. “Would you like me to find you a box?”</p><p>“Haha. Very funny.” Iz rolls her eyes. “But, yes, a box would help.”</p><p>With a grin Mel takes the stapler from Izzie. “Or, you know, I can do this and you can hold the posters.” She proceeds to staple the top right-hand edge of the poster. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Casey walking down the hallway.</p><p>“Yo, Izzie. Casey 4 o’clock.”</p><p>At the sight of Newton, Izzie sucks in a quick breath. This is her chance. “Here, Mel. Hold these or something.” Izzie drops the small stack of posters on the ground and whirls around to face Casey’s direction. Her body is shaking as she tries to find the right words.</p><p>“Hey. Can we talk?” Izzie’s voice quavers.</p><p>“Nope,” Casey replies firmly.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Iz follows Newton to her locker, while Newton aggressively puts in the lock combination.</p><p>“I’m sick of you apologizing. You led me on, you’re jerking me around. I hate it.”</p><p>“I really like you.”</p><p>Her pleading and stating the obvious irks Casey even more. “Yeah, in this moment, but in ten minutes, you might be embarrassed by me or kissing some random guy. Just leave me alone.” She slams the locker door, then abruptly turns and starts marching down the hallway.</p><p>“Newton!” Izzie is on Casey’s heels. “Will you stop for two seconds so I can explain?” </p><p>It’s as if Casey is seeing red. She’s exhausted from avoiding Izzie at track this morning, nevermind what is currently happening. Needless to say, when she turns to face Izzie, she is done with this conversation.</p><p>“What?” Her brow is furrowed, but when she notices Izzie’s close proximity, her eyes soften.</p><p>They are close enough for their bare legs to touch. One of the few perks of a Clayton Prep skirt. Izzie hovers close before dipping her chin up. “I’m done being weird,” she murmurs. Casey’s heart is practically bursting as she watches Izzie’s lips part. It’s deja vu of the dance. The two of them in the exact same position with their lips close, but it’s different this time. This time, Izzie initiates. But like before, time slows as the two enjoy one another’s presence and touch. Their legs gently bump together as their arms intertwine.</p><p>Her lips taste delicious, like soft, warm vanilla beans. Exactly how Casey remembers. She brushes away a strand of Izzie’s hair after pulling away. Their eyes are locked on one another, a happy glow emitting from the couple. </p><p>Izzie hasn’t felt this good in weeks, not since the dance. She figured she’d feel self-conscious after kissing Casey in front of everyone in the hallway, instead she feels fine. More than fine, even. There’s a strange sense of pride. She’s happy to show off what she has with Newton to Clayton Prep.</p><p>“That was pretty weird.” A dumbstruck grin spreads across Casey’s face. This is not what she imagined happening during her walk from Biology to English. She’s still wondering whether the last few minutes actually happened.</p><p>Doubt sets in at Newton’s response. Izzie feels her inexperience showing. <em>Was the kiss okay? Did Newton feel the same?</em></p><p>“Bad weird?” She tentatively asks.</p><p>Casey just chuckles and throws an arm around Izzie’s shoulders, leading her toward their next class.</p><p>“I have <em>so</em> much to tell you!” </p><p>Iz giggles, ecstatic to have her girlfriend holding her close, to have her favourite person back.</p><p>“First of all, I told my dad that I love you.” Casey feels her body being pulled back, as Izzie’s feet stop moving. Her eyebrows shoot up as she struggles to find the words.</p><p>“Wow, Newton, I–”</p><p>“But he thought I meant as a friend.” The two girls laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. “I would’ve corrected him but.. I wasn’t sure about us.” There’s an uncomfortable silence for a few beats. Iz presses her hand firmly against Newton’s. </p><p>“You can be sure about us.”</p><p>
  <strong>A Few Weeks Later. Getting Ready for the School Dance. Gardner's House.</strong>
</p><p>When Casey walks down the stairs in her 1980s-style yellow and black patterned button-up shirt with black suspenders, Elsa feels a surge of pride in her daughter. She cannot restrain herself, she has to throw her arms around her girl and squeeze tight.</p><p>“I’m so proud of you!” Casey’s outfit matches the 1980s theme of Clayton Prep’s dance, and it’s reminding Elsa of her first high school dance with its overabundance of neon, big hair, and hormones.</p><p>“Mum!” Casey protests with an eye roll. “It’s not like it’s prom or grad, it’s just a dance. Or what you kids used to call it, sock hops.” She’s waiting in the living room, so she can make a quick escape with Izzie when she shows up.</p><p>Elsa is now leaning on Doug, enjoying the moment, ignoring her daughter’s teasing. “Can you believe that our youngest is going to her first dance with her first girlfriend?” Her eyes are starting to water. Doug pulls Elsa in with one arm, so her chin is resting on his shoulders. </p><p>“They grow up fast.” He says quietly enough so only Elsa hears.</p><p>By this point, Casey has noticed the water works are starting, so she wanders over to Sam who’s sitting on the couch sketching. She gets all up in his personal space by resting her chin on his shoulders. There’s no hesitation or pause in the pencil’s movements. It’s as if Casey isn’t even there.</p><p>
  <em>Ding-dong.</em>
</p><p>Within seconds, Casey is flinging open the door. She needs a quick exit to escape from the Elsa paparazzi. Except that as soon as she sees Izzie, the quick exit gets scratched. Izzie is wearing a denim jumper, somewhat similar to her own, but more stylized with buttons and rolled up sleeves. Her ears are adorned with her usual hoop earrings, but she’s paired them with a Boy George inspired hat.</p><p>A sheepish smile spreads across her face. “Hey, Newton.” She peers around her girlfriend to look at the Gardner family. “Hi Gardners!”</p><p>There’s a flurry as Elsa ushers Izzie and Casey inside. “You girls look so cute! Come in, I just want to take a few pictures.”</p><p>Casey gives Izzie an apologetic look, but of course, Izzie doesn’t mind. It’s kind-of nice seeing Casey’s family wanting to document and remember this moment. There are pictures taken of them as a couple, then they move on to taking some pictures of the Gardner family.</p><p>Sam pauses while Elsa is taking one of him and Casey.</p><p>“Are you and Izzie more serious than you and Evan?” His question is genuine.</p><p>“Dude, what the hell?” Casey exclaims before glancing over at Izzie. Izzie laughs, not bothered by his question.</p><p>“I need another person to go to for advice, like Evan, but I don’t know if I should expect your relationship status to change.”</p><p>Casey playfully punches her brother’s shoulder.</p><p>“Ow!” His face is scrunched up. “Why did you do that?”</p><p>“Because I’m your sister. It’s basically my duty to communicate with you in annoying ways.” Casey walks over to Izzie, wraps her arm around her, then pulls her in for a kiss on the cheek. “I can’t say she’ll give you advice, weirdo, but she’ll be around for awhile.”</p>
<hr/><p>Synthesizers and dreamy British, New Wave sounds fill the gymnasium. There is a lot of neon, big hair, hormones, and bright lights on the polished gym floor. Izzie stretches out her arm, holding up an inviting palm to Newton. A slow, confident smile spreads across Casey’s face before she takes Izzie’s hand.</p><p>“You look…” Her brain is at a sudden loss for words.</p><p>“You too.” Izzie finishes her sentence, then promptly blushes before looking at her feet.</p><p>“C’mon, let’s show these Clayton Prep losers how to dance.” Casey proceeds to reach into her pocket and pull out fingerless gloves. Izzie’s eyebrows shoot up. </p><p>“I got them from Elsa’s closet.” </p><p>“My girlfriend is unbelievably cool.” Iz says with a wink before placing Newton’s fingerless-gloved hands around her waist. “Hold Me” by Fleetwood Mac begins playing from the speakers. In response, Casey pumps a fist in excitement and carefully but skillfully dips Izzie with her other arm. </p><p>“The power of the fingerless gloves.” She giggles.</p><p>“And you think Sam’s a weirdo?” Iz smirks.</p><p>The two begin Snoopy dancing to the upbeat piano and guitar licks. Elsewhere, Harmony and Scarlet are dancing suspiciously close, while Mel is talking up some girls at the punch bar. Despite the entire student body surrounding her, Iz doesn’t feel self-conscious at all. She’s just happy she’s no longer hiding anything.</p><p>“Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper begins playing, so the girls ditch the Peanuts-inspired dancing. Izzie cannot help but think of the hotel party as the familiar electricity between them pulls their bodies together. Her hands slip around the small of Newton’s back as their bodies rhythmically sway together.</p><p>A slow smile spreads across Izzie’s face. “This time, I’m ready to broadcast our business.” </p><p>“Oh yeah?” Casey murmurs. “Pretty sure we’ve already done that.” The curve of Izzie’s lips makes it hard for Casey to think about anything else, so she inches closer until their foreheads touch. The two giggle as they re-live the forehead promise from their not-so-distant past. To draw out the moment, Casey gently rocks her temples against Izzie’s, enjoying how tantalizingly close their lips are.</p><p>Iz bites her lip. She wants to resist the urge to taste Newton, but her deliciously warm lips are too inviting. Goosebumps appear on her goosebumps. She feels the familiar tingly feeling that only Newton has ever given her. She could get used to this. This whole being happy at school, time away from her home responsibilities, being comfortable with her identity. Iz feels the remaining tension in her body loosen and the warmth of Newton’s arms around her. She feels safe in her embrace. Neither wants to let go, so they continue moving back and forth, as one, with their foreheads pressed together well after the song ends.</p><p>
  <strong>The End</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've had a lot of fun writing this fic. It started with a small critique of the show, then turned into a 11,000 word story. Thank you, everyone, for all the kudos and comments and views. I wouldn't have finished this fic if it weren't for you folks :)</p><p>As far as writing projects go, I'm not sure what comes next, but I'll keep you posted on Tumblr.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tumblr: kindrednerdspirit</p></blockquote></div></div>
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